Griffin wearing the shirt i had when i was about 8 years old from my trip to the salem witch museum! it's his fav shirt now!
alyssa enjoying the outdoor entertaiment!
it has been oddly quiet around here lately. quiet but busy if that makes any sense? hopefully it does!
our daily school routine has been plugging along. cassandra walks her goat every day after school for exercise. she is supposed to be teaching her to walk on a chain for the showring but i admit, it is a PITA and i avoid it sometimes. cassandra seems to get anxious when the goat acts up. i guess she doesn't have much confidence in all this livestock stuff and i'm so used to it with having had the sheep. she is doing better thought. she has 2 practice shows in february. the "big" show is in april. savannah reached her reading AR goal at school and was over the moon! i am so proud of her, she worked very hard. she had trouble the first 2 quarters as we discovered she was signing on to take tests that were on books she had never read before and then getting 0's on the test. she was so deflated and it was so odd to see those scores because she's in the highest reading group in her class. once we figured it out her teacher took extra time to help her sign on and get the correct test. since then, she's been all A's!
well it's kindergarten registration week at our school. i honestly hate it but i guess it's the way it is. the upside is that it appears we have a good chance of not being forced into all day kinder. with all the budget cuts they are finding that cutting free all day K would save the state $218 million dollars. i have all my fingers crossed that griffin will have the option for 1/2 day. he's doing great in preschool and most days he wants to go. at least it's only 3 afternoons a week.
alyssa is great, she's still all over. she recently learned how to climb onto the couch. that isn't so bad. the fact that she likes to "bouncy bouncy" on it is frightening. so we're working on it. and we removed the coffee table just in case! she's talking more and more (if that were possible) and her sentences are getting pretty complex for 19 months old. you can just see her working things out in her head sometimes when she's watching the kids or me doing something. today she was in the kitchen singing "shake your booty...shake your booooo-tayyyyyyyy" and it was adorable!
i am anxiously awaiting our march vacation. 3 weeks of spring break bliss! disneyland calls to me like the mothership LMAO. i can't wait to go. we had a blast last time in march. alyssa was 9 months old so i can only imagine how awesome it will be this time w/ her being older. i'm praying for good weather. last time we had a hot spell and it was in the 90's the last few days we were there. toasty!
other than that, i am co-hosting a baby shower for my friend traci on the 8th. our friend audrey lives up north and she's the one i'm hosting it with. we all met on babycenter.com and we all have june 2007 babies. they are really cool ladies. one of our moms moved to washington but we still claim her as our own! so i'm excited to do this for traci. audrey is coming down the night before and having a sleepover so we can be up and butts moving in the morning! we are doing a brunch shower which makes me salivate just thinking about it!
so today was what would have been our due date for the baby we lost in may. pretty much a rotten last few days for me. off and on i have my moody days, my blue days. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about what happened and how life would be now with another baby to love. i know that a lot of people don't get it, a lot of people don't understand why i feel the way i do. all i can say to that is be thankful you don't understand. be thankful you've never been through this because it is one of the hardest things i've ever delt with.
i do not take lightly the blessings i have in my life. i have 4 healthy, happy, beautiful children. i have a husband who loves me and i love him more now than i did the 17 years ago that we met. but i don't thing that mourning something you lost makes you ungrateful for what you do have. i am thankful every day that i have the man i love, the kids i love, the house i wanted, my family nearby, the ability to be home with my kids. but i am sad that we lost this baby that i never thought would be a part of our life in the first place. it was a happy surprise. so in part, my sadness is for what i lost and for what i will never have again. it was that realization all over again that there will be no more kids in our family. that is not something that i feel at peace with in my heart although it must be.
so today, of all days, i can't help but wonder who would have been home with us now. would we still be the house of estrogen :-), would griffin have a new baby brother. would shane and i argued over girls' names again. what would alyssa think about a new baby. i think that it's ok to feel this way, to know that this will always be a part of who i am now. i just hope that those around me realize that it is still something fresh in my mind. it is something that has changed me. i will not "get over it" today or tomorrow or years from now. not because i don't love or care about who is in my family but because the gift of the opportunity to know another wonderful, happy, healthy, wonderful baby would have been really awesome too. and that opportunity is gone forever. and i miss it terribly.
yes, today is my birthday. birthdays are usually something i avoid bringing attention to for myself. i don't know why. i think part of it is that i spend so much time and energy planning everyone elses birthday that for my own i exercise my right NOT to make a big deal. i love planning everyone elses...just not my own.
however, i had a lovely dinner out with my hunny bunny, the kids, mom, dad, brittany and elijah. shane got me a great cake (chocolate cake, chocolate icing, chocolate roses OMG) and mint chocolate chip icing. it was...amazing! and topped off the mexican food perfectly :-)
my brother in law called me bright and early this morning to point out that i am very very old. ya, he's cute that way i guess. but in that moment it hit me, i have accomplished so much in my 35 years. i had a wonderful childhood, i remember my mom doing things with me and being with me. i remember getting in the bed in our finished basement watching marathons of peyton place while eating crackers and cheddar cheese. i remember her taking me riding at the stable, taking me to the park to feed the ducks, taking me to movies. i remember her putting her socks on, sticking her feet through chair slats so i could pretend they were my sock pets. weird i know. but still.
i survived high school, met the most wonderful guy in the world. survived college :-) survived working for kr saline and associates (yikes). we have owned 3 beautiful homes and have four amazing, funny, loving children. i've been on vacations, seen beautiful things and places. i've been lucky enough to have 17 years with the man i love and 10 years of marriage. i get to be home with my kids because i want to and i love every minute of it. even the crazy ugly minutes.
i am lucky to be surrounded by people who love me. my mom, dad and sis are nearby. i have a sister AND a sister in law i can call if i need help or someone to listen. i have have had loss, both my grandparents, my angel baby. but i know that at the end of the day, i've had everything i've ever wanted...and it's only been
wow! already the new year! where has the time gone?
we haven't wasted any time jumping into new things for the new year. i may have mentioned before that cassandra joined 4-H and chose a boer goat as her project. well, we picked up her lil goat from my friend liz's house today. liz is her 4-H leader and has been my friend since 8th grade. so cassandra's goat is just adorable. she has a red/brown head, neck and a white body. she has long floppy ears. her face is just precious. she already loves cassandra. she "maaaaaaaa's" at her when she sees her. savannah is helping cassandra halter break her. her name is holly and she is almost 3 months old. she's 42 lbs and should be around 80 lbs at fair time. we read up on the breed and apparently the femals max out at around 225 lbs. YIKES! so much for a "lil goat" i guess. oh well, i loved big sheep so it's no surprise we ended up w/ a big goat.
cassandra will be showing holly at the maricopa county fair in april. she's got a lot of work ahead of her but i think it is work she will really enjoy.
other than that, we've had a lovely winter break. i am sad to see the girls go back to school on monday. at least i can say we have less than 2 months until we go to disneyland and another break from school! the kids are still loving their toys and gifts from santa. mostly they have loved just being home together and playing together.
we went to zoolights at the phoenix zoo tonight. it was gorgeous! we try to go every year. we missed last year because alyssa was only 6 months old and we opted not to take her out in the cold. everyone loved the lights and holiday music. alyssa walked most of the zoo which was pretty impressive. that must have been why she was asleep before we got out of the parking lot to come home! tomorrow we are relaxing, playing with the goat and then going out to dinner for my bday. i know it's early but my bday falls on a weekday and no point in trying to cram it in with everyone elses busy schedule. we are going out for mexican food and shane said he's making my cake. as long as it's all chocolate with candy cane ice cream that's a-ok with me!
ok, i 'm off to bed. i hope everyone is doing great and i promise i will post pics of christmas and cassandra with her goat soon!