Do I remember...

do i remember...........

as the birthday rush is upon me starting in september, i always look back in astonishment at the changes that happen in that short year. griffin will be 5 on september 24th. i remember finding out he was coming like it was yesterday. in december 2002 my grandma passed away. in my grief i was very absent minded and that led to a less than perfect b.c. pill schedule for me. i remember vividly cleaning the house in early february and thinking "hmmmmm am i late?" i took a test, fully knowing it would be negative because there was no way that could happen....we werent' planning on number 3 until that summer or so.

hey...it took all of 2 seconds to see 2 pink lines!

i remember calling shane on his cell phone........"are you driving? pull over, pull over, i have something to tell you" i remember his chuckle, "it's great news baby, everything will be fine" because everyone knows, that is what shane always says to me when i am hysterical.

i remember thinking my grandma was probably laughing her ass off from heaven. and then i was sad knowing our baby would never know my grandma.

i remember knowing griffin was a boy before the ultrasound told me so. i remember being so sick for so long and feeling such relief when i knew it was close to him coming to be a part of our family. i remember arriving at the hospital after several failed attempts. i remember dr. villa coming to the hospital on his day off to deliver griffin. i remember the jokes he made that made me laugh so hard that everyone in the room yelled at me to stop so i didn't "shoot that baby across the room"

i remember it was cold outside and raining, strange for september. we had come to the hospital a little after 2:00 pm and he was born just after 8:00. i remember the nurse taking him from me because he wasn't breathing right and him in the NICU for 5 days. probably the worst 5 days i had experienced since my grandma died. the nurses told me dr. villa came to check on griffin every day. i remember being their one of the times they needed to find a vein for his IV and how helpless i felt and how many times the poked him and how much he wimpered. i remember finally telling them to stop and get kevin the neonatal guy. they put an iv in griffin's head. dr. villa called him my "unicorn" it wasn't funny until later.

i remember leaving the hospital without him.

i remember bringing him home.

was he the easiest baby? nope. he is still the most challenging of the 4. he makes me question a lot about myself some days. but he is also very loving. very affectionate. very emotional. he's at that difficult age for males...2 to 65. he's turning into such a little boy now. he is protective of his sisters. he is watchful over alyssa. he enjoys "man time" with his dad or his gumpy or papa. he loves tractors and pirates but he'll play polly pocket too.

some days i look at him and i see shane. some days i see a mini monster. some days i see the jim carrey side of him. and some days...

i see my unicorn.